Speeding Through the 80's

 

I’m worried. I recently got lost in a department store. After wandering from exit to exit trying to find my way to a parking lot, a kind clerk pointed me in the right direction. Then this morning I lost a Google document. I know. My friend tells me it’s impossible to lose a Google Doc. Well, I lost one. At least it’s lost to me.

Such is life in the 80’s. The decade, that is, not the speed zone. In case you’ve forgotten your age, you know you’re in the 80’s when:

--You no longer iron shirts. Touch up the collar and front and they’re good to go. They’re hidden under jackets anyway.

--And the same goes for pillow cases. Oh, that wrinkle-free fabric could use a touch up, but by the time you slip it over a pillow, most wrinkles disappear. Besides, you’ll never see them while you sleep.

--You’re no longer duped by television commercials. That woman jumping rope because she’s taking xyz medication? Have you ever listened to the possible side effects? Who wants to jump rope anyway?

            --You see more of your doctor and your physical therapist (and they see more of you) than you do your old friends (most of whom have now graduated to heaven). And you now have a doctor for each body part. To be honest, a doctor’s visit turns out to be a nice diversion from puttering around the house.

            --You no longer run to answer the phone. It’s in your pocket—if you can remember you put it there. Nine out of ten calls are either scams or automated voices telling you your prescription is ready, so no need to hurry.

            --Visits to the grocery store become welcome social events. You enjoy chatting along the aisles. But you do wish someone would train that young cashier, the one who puts three two-quart cartons in one bag, to look at you. Do you look like you could lift that bag into and out of your trunk? And where’s your senior discount? Look at me, you young whippersnapper.

            --You prefer to watch birds over watching television. Any sex scenes are on the fly. Oh you may still watch a game show or two, but other than those, it’s more fun to read or work jigsaw or Sudoku puzzles. Good for that aging brain too!

            Such is life in the 80’s express lane. And as my husband’s dialysis doctor reminds him, no matter what the challenges, it’s better to be upright than horizontal. Better to see over the steering wheel too. So enjoy the journey, no matter the speed bumps.